By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You were trust falling into bushes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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