no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
