you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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