I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
