It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
