At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
