A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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