First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
