Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
