i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
They have beer where we have blood.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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