I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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