those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
