every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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