My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I pour the whiskey from now on
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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