Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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