it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
