Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
