I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
