She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
