I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
