I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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