I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
