It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize