Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
