I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
