Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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