Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
