Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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