i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
