I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
