i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
