You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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