He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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