I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize