does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
