you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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