I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
