he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
