And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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