you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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