im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
