Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
