just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize