My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
