do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
