can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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