Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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