She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
