After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
