as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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