We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
