i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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