perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
