I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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