Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
