Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
