high people should be assigned attendants
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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