Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
