this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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