He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
