You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
