Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
