good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
