discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
