I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
