Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
