Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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