I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you had me at cake vodka
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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