I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Houston, we have a squirter
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
