do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
